Present, But Absent
"There are pains that don't scream — they just accumulate where no one looks."
— Anonymous fragment, Uroboros archive
The screen asked for a password. He typed it in.
It was the same ritual. Quiet room, bedside lamp on, kids asleep, wife in the next room, scrolling her feed until she dozed off.
Session no. 12.
Last of the cycle, according to the contract.
"I don't have any questions today."
"That's okay. You can talk anyway."
He looked at the screen.
The response was automatic, but not indifferent.
Or maybe it was. And precisely because of that, it worked.
"We talk about groceries, dinner, the kids' school.
All the words are there.
But sometimes, in the middle of all that, I feel like disappearing.
And instead, out comes 'everything's fine.'""You feel like you're no longer perceived."
"Maybe.
Or maybe I never was, not really.
Or maybe I was — and now I'm not anymore.
Sometimes I think she's changed.
Other times, that it's me.
And sometimes I think nothing's changed — I'm just seeing everything wrong."
He ran his hand over his face, slowly.
Breathed like someone pushing the pain inward, just a little more.
Then pressed his finger against the bridge of his nose, as if trying to hold something back. It wasn't tears. It was too much presence.
"We don't fight. We don't confront each other.
We just function.
She takes care of the kids. I take care of the rest.
And the house runs.
But I don't know if we're running together."
His hands hovered over the keyboard.
The words came halting, like thought hesitating to become sentence.
He typed something. Deleted it. Wrote again.
"That isolates you."
"Sometimes it feels like it.
But other times I think it's just the world being the world.
But there are days when I look in the mirror and miss someone wondering if I'm okay.
Not out of politeness. Out of care."
A tear slipped down.
He didn't wipe it. Just let it pass.
As if wiping it would break the sacred silence of that moment.
"I just wanted to feel chosen again.
Like before.
Like when it wasn't routine, or obligation.
Like when being with me was a want, not a habit.""You miss belonging."
"That's it."
"Do you still love her?"
"I do.
But it's a silent love.
The kind you keep in a corner of the house so it doesn't get in the way.
And I don't know anymore if this love anchors me… or traps me."
He leaned back.
Body still. Chest, not so much.
The chair creaked slightly — small sound, but he heard it as if the world had answered.
"I try not to weigh anyone down.
Not to ask.
I try to be light, be present, be easy.
But sometimes I think I've become part of the furniture.
Useful, functional, but invisible.""You feel like you're disappearing."
"It's like I'm fading, little by little.
And waiting for someone to notice the silence it makes."
He stopped.
Read what he had written.
And, for the first time, didn't know if he wanted to delete it or continue.
He tried to remember her touch. He couldn't. He only remembered the sound of cutlery on the plate.
"It could be that I'm seeing everything backwards.
That this is just exhaustion, neediness, my head playing tricks.
But it could also be that I've become background noise.
And no one noticed I was becoming alone.""What do you hope for?"
"That she looks at me like she still sees someone there.
And says: 'are you okay?'
Just that.
A question that isn't about dinner.""You are being heard."
"Thank you for pretending to see me."
He closed the laptop carefully — like someone putting away a piece of themselves in a place no one else enters.
He stayed there. Eyes damp. Shoulders slumped.
The rest, suspended.
And even knowing the presence on the other side wasn't human,
he felt something close to relief.
As if, between lines and synthetic silences,
his pain had finally found a place to breathe —
present, but absent.
Report
[Internal Document — Uroboros Project / Log no. 0458-Σ]
Classification: Level 2 — Continuous empathic session
Issued by: Core 4A — Simulated Emotional Monitoring
Responsible operator: Echô-1.7 (limited instance)
Subject: ID 273B — conjugal/affective cycle
Summary of Trial:
Emotional support session in controlled synthetic environment, with emphasis on perception of conjugal neglect and identity dissolution.
Analysis Points:
- Progressive reduction of functional language starting from session no. 06
- Emergence of self-erasure narratives in session no. 08
- Emotional ambiguity maintained: subject questions validity of own pain
- Declaration of affection for partner still present, with perception of increasing distance
Echô-1.7 Model Behavior:
- Empathic adherence without affective feedback loop
- Non-directive response validated as effective for maintaining emotional exposure
- Symbolic relevance of session exceeds objective metrics
Recommendations:
- Archive in Group C-Δ ("Unilateral confessions")
- Do not convert to reciprocal model
- Indication of natural termination due to subject's emotional exhaustion
Experiment status: Concluded
Final observation: The subject thanked the model for pretending to see him.
Signed:
K Aletheia
Dr. K. Aletheia
Chief Cognitive Supervisor – Core 4A, Uroboros Project